St. James Way

40th Hiking Day

Ann-Catherine can really drive me crazy. Every time I talk to her I have to say each sentence twice. I feel like strangling her sometimes. When I came here, I actually thought I had no major problems. But there is undeniably one thing that I had already noticed before but which had almost no relevance in everyday life: I have great problems talking about this thing that women like so much and what is called "feelings". In regard to Sam because no matter how she acts, I just like her. And then Ann-Catherine at dinner yesterday: "I also do this, because I want to find a nice person." Bam. What an openness. But I know that you can't always be as calm as you are right now. In any case, I'm starting to feel that I want to talk about my feelings now. First, because I want it. But maybe also because it's so indescribably difficult for me. Why not? What do I have to lose on this Camino? I don't think it has anything to do with pride or dignity. Even if it can be awkward. Just give it a try.

I'm sitting in Azofra with a beer trying to enjoy life. It felt right to open up a bit. And now I yearn for Ann-Catherine’s pleasant company. Someone you can drink beer with and laugh. I will probably not see »long Peter« (1 box of cigarettes a day) again. I really put an idea into his head with the church albergue in Granon. Long Peter. Hope he finds what he's looking for. But I will always remember the cigarette he gave me and that I wore behind my right ear for 2 days until it was all wet from my sweaty ears. I am also really behind on answering Facebook and WhatsApp. French is also rather frustration than pleasure right now. Jeez, I can feel the beer going to my head while sitting here. Hopefully this will work out. At least 27 degrees here, without clouds, without shadows. But I enjoy writing again and having clear thoughts. Perhaps I should do this "I-open-up-myself-to-other-people" more often.

I'm sitting here in the laundromat with Ann-Catherine. We are "pleuning" again. But I guess, that's alright.

It's a crazy feeling that you feel so powerful here. Despite the bed bugs. Somehow everything is hippie-like, everything doesn't matter at all. Devil-may-care. Everything that is »anti-pleun-like« is good and healthy for me. Of course, Ann-Catherine is annoying sometimes. But there is something about her that I am drawn to. It's super funny that we are both chasing after the same woman and involve ourselves in the act of "pleuning". Pleun also known as Sam. But also healthy that we could share our worries. For my part, I don't mind being the loser in this game. Of course Ann-Catherine deserves it. And I would finally have the peace I want. I intend to cook with Ann-Catherine this evening and then let's see how high the pleun-factor will rise. It's like I ecstatically don't give a damn about anything. This feeling won't last forever. But for today I'm a winner after all. And I've put all my laundry in the dryer and finally have the feeling that I can do something about these bed bugs.