St. James Way

19th Hiking Day

Little bit after Moissac on the way to Auvillar, 21 km away. I walk along a former canal tow-path. The sun is shining wonderfully from the left. On the right a tall industrial chimney. I just said goodbye to Vincent and Israel at the train station. A little sadness or rather a huge dose of sadness. I will miss the two who patiently taught me French. While saying goodbye, they held up their hands again. Ultreia, des collegues! I sincerely wish you all the best and a wonderful week in Paris, including Disneyland. To live also means to say goodbye. Even if it is hard. And they changed me a bit after all. Made me more open to people and things. I would like to linger a little longer with both of them and give them a nice place in my memories. Les collegues. Maybe they are just sitting with a beer in their hands and raising in memory of me. I never really appreciated the dry instant noodles. After all, this was much more than nothing. Ultreia, you madmen. You will continue your journey, your chemin, somewhere else. So, and now I'm on my own again. And it shouldn't be dreary if I can prevent it. I want to enjoy the moment, wander in the now. That is something very important. I can't promise I'll meet great people. Maybe I'll go all alone. But I can hear the birds singing and the water on my right and above all the voice in my head seems to nod gently and tell me: don't worry. Everything is fine as it is. And so I walk on and I am very calm. And completely at peace with myself.

I miss Lina. The girl is close to my heart. Her open manner and her love of life. Life can be weird sometimes. But what's supposed to happen, happens and I've still forgiven everyone anything. Small and big mistakes, misunderstandings. And also the things that are the way they are and nobody is to blame for. That's the best way to live. After all, the earth also revolves around the sun.

The trees rustle and whisper in the wind. You just have to listen carefully. Maybe they're talking about me right now.

I think I'll sit down in a café today, finish my book and buy myself a little French book to study. I also have to go to the bank.

And then you don't get what you want, and expectations are not met and my head is pulled down again and I walk the path with my eyes downcast, saddened. Never mind. I'll try again anyway. Sometime and somewhere and somehow I will always find my centre. And that's all I can think of today.

Loneliness has got the best of me again. The first evening without Israel and Vincent and I already deteriorate noticeably. Ate a "flan" in the boulangerie and that was it. Even though we passed 6 p.m. Already. It may be an exaggeration, but inside I'm dying one thousand deaths. Can people read that on my face? No idea. I have withdrawn into the garden and am writing this down because the room in which I sleep is all too dreary. A Dane who doesn't listen to me and where I can tell from afar that he snores. In addition, there is a pilgrim who sleeps above me and who has carried the stink like a wall into the room. To top it all off, I suspect I caught bed bugs yesterday in this shitty hostel in Moissac. The left foot doesn't stop itching in several spots. This of all things. My absolute most hated thing! First step: spray everything. Hopefully those critters will crawl somewhere else. Imagine. Bed bugs are the worst. Everything suddenly is in question. I really hope it's just mosquitos. But with my luck. In addition, I sprained my right ankle and everything is somewhat not that great. Battles everywhere. I should have gone to Disneyland instead. What a stupid evening. I really hope it's just mosquito bites. On both feet, as I have just noticed. Jesus!

Sometimes I find it incredibly difficult to appreciate the little things. A German has just given me some of his salad, I chopped tomatoes and mixed them in, a Frenchman has given me bread, another German has given me a glass of wine. Note for later: always have a bottle of wine ready in the evening. This is how you make friends. Hans, the Dane, is saying the best years are between 40 and 50. Learned something again. 2nd note for me: just listen to Hans. Perhaps there is more to this Dane than you expect. Let's see what else Hans can do. He worked for some time in East Germany in the 90s. He also seems to have a "I-don't-give-a-shit" mentality. I wonder if it is the same on his inside. In any case, he is tanned like crazy. Let's see: maybe there is something else from Hans. Oh yes, he just said that he does not make reservations for gîtes at all. And that seems to have worked so far. Should I still listen to Hans? Luckily, I have already booked one for tomorrow. So I can postpone the decision to tomorrow. Why are all 60+ here, actually? Wouldn't mind a pretty girl either. And why have I already written 5 pages today? Hopefully these aren't bed bugs. Sprayed everything again. So much for today. Over and out.